Hard of Hairing

This morning, after the rigorous routine that results in my hair looking like a wilderbeast's backside, I found lots of tiny fallen hairs about my shoulders and clothes, which isn't an uncommon event to be honest. But today, it seemed to stick in my mind even as I drove. Then, at work, I served five bald people in a row, all of which I assumed to have had a full head of hair before they went all 'Edward Scissorhands' on it...

And this got me thinking. I wonder if people who have their head shaved decide to do so just in case they upset someone who happens to be adept in casting curses and forces them to forever live upside-down; nothing would alter, they’d still move their legs to walk and up would still be up, and down down, but they’d be flipped the wrong way so that what touched the ground was the top of their heads. And, therefore, in having their head shaved, they wouldn’t have to worry quite so much about dirtying their hair.

Though, some people who have shaved heads decide on growing large beards, which, presuming the curse didn’t directly affect gravity, would dangle about their faces and become quite the nuisance I should think.

Maybe they haven’t thought of that; I’ll give them the head’s up.

Haha…‘head’s up’…

I did think once that the large beard was a kind of compensation for their decision to have a shaved head, but I have sometimes seen people with a full head of hear grow equally large beards, and the reason for that is something that plagues me to this day.

…unless it’s an act of defiance?

If they became upside-downed, perhaps the beard would act very much like head-hair, and maybe one day someone will notice this trend and open a very lucrative specialist barbers that pays particular interest in upside-down beard hair grooming.

Perhaps they’ll name the salon ‘Chin Up!’…

I refer to this business opportunity as a 'barbers' solely based on the fact that I rarely see women with shaved heads, and rarer still is the day when I encounter a large beard-wearing woman. I would imagine such a woman’s face would face severe ridicule, and would perhaps even cause young children to weep uncontrollably - understandably even!

Though…that prospect does make me wonder…

Say a woman, who at conception happened upon the genes in which there was a predisposition towards female beard-growth, decided, in case of the chance encounter with the adept curse-caster, to shave her head, and then was, in a coincidental twist of fate, made to exist in an entirely upside-down manner…would she not be the single most sought after woman of the upside-down, male demographic?

The upside-down lesbian demographic also – why be close-minded about it?

In fact, for all I know, for all I really know about upside-down people, women with chins aswim with hair might just be the most fashionable females of them all.

Or perhaps the most flagrant? Maybe upside-down juvvies and jails are jam-packed with these females, all a part of the rotated-revolution of Feminists fighting for their freedom to grow grotesque goatees and defending their right to garb their faces with gristly, prickly hairs, all in the name of equality and liberation!

And yes, you could argue with them that sexual equality in the Western World has, in most part, been attained…but there’s no need to split hairs.

After careful deliberation, I can only conclude that, out there somewhere, a wizard / witch / mage / deity who, through scriptures of old (and tales of older still), has threatened the possibility of an upside-down existence. And, as a result of this, some of us feel the need to shorn our scalps, perhaps even unconsciously, with some distant, dark memory of magick and mischief, making mayhem of our minds (and merkins of our mullets!).

Or maybe, like me, they just got fed up of finding stray hairs clinging to their clothes. Though, I think I might risk keeping my hair as it is.

For now, at least.